THE WILD ISLAND TIMES Second Quarter 2012

Ryan -Deer in The Headlights

Chy Guy finally arrived on his very first trip to the villas. After waiting and visiting our web site on line for 5 years. No “lurker jokes” please .But five years ! He took to the villas like a duck takes to water. In two weeks he did a hundred “pardee hours” (at least), took a thousand photos (at least), fell in love a dozen times (at least), and made a reservation to return even before he left. He did every excursion he could do, including the 27 waterfalls canyoneering, the Old French Ladys Hotel day trip jeep safari, the ATV 4 wheelers, casinos (numerous times), the beach clubs for drinks and dancing, deep sea fishing on our newly discovered 48 ft Bertram ( fishing in style) with the girls, a catamaran day sail on the new 45 Ft cat to Bacardi Island (where they film the Bacardi Rum pirate commercials), and ( did I say it before ? ) he fell in love .

Girls Gone Fishing

April to July was , without a doubt, one of the best quarters we have had at the villas ( Margarita Island or Bahia de Plata , DR ). We have been too busy to post news on a timely basis. My apologies to all the “brothers” and new guests waiting for updates. And also apologies to any guests that have been here and were not given an “honorable mention” in the newsletter. Erick and Cliff ( the Most Interesting Man In The World) came to the villas in April. They were, what I would consider, polar opposites. Cliff was here on his 18th visit ( almost tying the all time villas record record set by Rollie of 19 visits). And Erick was making his first visit to the villas. In spite of good advice from Cliff and other “villas veterans” , he fell in love . He proposed to Karen and became number 55, engaged or married to girls from the MWV villas. He vowed to ” love, cherish, and send Western Union Moneygrams for as long as they shall stay together”. That boy has it bad. But not as bad as some in the past. Frequently, guests ask me, ” That is 55 girls engaged or married at the villas in 10 years. But how many have happy endings ?” My response is (thinking this is not a 30 minute massage guaranteed to have a happy ending) ” I don’t really know, and I don’t really want to know” Caveat emptor. But sometimes there are early signs if a relationship will endure or not.

Chy Guy’s Fish

A good example of what I am talking about was a recent guest that decided to propose ( or make a proposal) to one of the girls. He took her out of the villas rotation. And he sent her as much money as she asked for. Just because he has the resources and could do it. Well… the first $2000 that he sent her went to buy a new motor scooter for her Dominican “chulo” ( parasitic boyfriend who lives off of money from 3 or more women ).Then , he visited the island last month and she said that the motor scooter had been “stolen”. So he bought her a new car. He is now back in Europe, still waiting for her visa to travel. But guess who is driving the car ? Hmmmm. Some guys like to buy a Ferrari. Because it is “sexy” and because they can afford it. But some do not realize what it really takes to maintain one. And if they don’t keep it in their garage , close at hand, then all the other guys on the street that see it think it is sexy too and want to drive it. So the local reasoning is…it is not the cars fault. The car just wants to be driven. OK. In the month of May “Bomba Birthday Week” was even better than anticipated.

Until next month, Aloha from the villas.

Alan ( Bomba) brought a new dance pole for the girls at the villas. And we celebrated with an “erection party”. The pole was erected and the party was started. It did not slow down until a week later. The numbers of Pardee Hours that week, bottles of tequila consumed, and the fun that was had was “over the top”. Kudos to PUMA, Pica, Bomba, and Bon for a memorable week. It just gets better. PICA commemorated the week with a special surprise gift for Bomba. A plaque that now hangs in the villa’s solarium that says, “Stay horny, my friends” Good advice , Pica. June was another great month. We had a new guest. Not our oldest guest, but close at 74 years young. You are only as old ( or young) as the women you feel. Then Robert, the sax player was here ( anyone remember Candy Dulfer ?). Robert was here on his first visit, and made a reservation to return before he left. Canadian guest Gil was here from Alberta. It is noteworthy that Canadian guests, among our best guests, have increased from about 10 % in the past to more than 25% of our total guests this past year. How about that, aye ? Gil was another guest that fell in love. But not in the “customary” manner. He fell in love with Carmen, our cook ( “the best fried chicken I have ever eaten”). He vowed to bring a larger suitcase on his next visit so that he could take Carmen back to Canada with him. LOL.

That month we also had another newbie guest arrive. Tim….. Tim was the quiet type. Very quiet. No one knew where he was from, or what he did (work) to support his travel agenda. We called him ” The International Man Of Mystery”. He could be what some people euphemistically call a “International Geo Political Monitor”. But, much more intelligent than those wahoos that we read about in Cartegena. LOL. Run silent, run deep, Tim. Ryan ( Beer Fest) was back with Sal at the villas in June to celebrate his birthday. Even though he had already been to the villas before, he still had that “deer in the headlights” look when he first hit the villas for the welcome party. But after consuming a case of cold beer with Sal , and a couple of Pardee Hours, he was right in the groove again. Cal Techie Calvin was here again. He ALSO fell in love. (Must be something in the water). He proposed to Naomi, and he promised to buy her a new car and a house ( after her ex gringo boyfriend took those away when he smelled infidelity in the wind). He even promised her a honeymoon in Italy. Go figure. Even the most “intelligent” guys are not that smart when they let little head think for big head. Number 56. Ian and Oliver arrived in the middle of June. Ian was a repeat guest and villas veteran ( he even visited Margarita Island). And he was given the name “Old Bull” on this trip. Not that old -just 50. Because he brought a young friend from London, Oliver. We called Ollie “Young Bull” . In reference to the popular joke about the two bulls plotting strategy in a field with a herd of cows grazing nearby. Well Ian, as always, was the party starter. the girls played and joked with the two of them all week The week was culminated when the girls , all of them nude, staged a pantyless “panty raid” to all of the guests rooms after a 2 AM farewell party ended. The girls went from room to room singing, joking, wrestling , and jumping on beds. It was hilarious. And it just goes to show you how playful the girls can be. Chy Guy Dennis returned the last week in June for his second visit, along with newbie John the Professor. The girls nicknamed him “Clinton”. And the resemblance , true, was uncanny. Say. Can anyone account for the travel itinerary of the ex prez during the last week of June? You know, this would be right in his wheel house. LOL. July was a hoot! We had Rum reserve return from Iraq. Kelly ( Grande) was here from Afghanistan. And the Animal returned to us from Cyber Space. Also newbie Carl was here from Dallas . It was another party week. Or two weeks for Grande and Rum Reserve. We thought that the villas would explode with the both of them here at the same time. But the pardees, practical jokes, and fun were epic ( who wears the biggest condom, who needs or doesn’t need Cialis, egg timers to clock “throws”, and pepper spray ( pepper spray?). Hey. Did anyone see Rum Reserves twin brother Maurice? August is here. And the end of the year promises to be as interesting as any before. More events, more adventures, and more friends coming to the villas to share the experience. As one of the girls would say in “perfect Hawaiian” after an aloha night party…..

Aloha Baby. Thomas Wild at the Beach Villas